Welcome to the first Music Monday! From now on, on Mondays I’ll be talking about specific artists or songs and why I find them important to me.
For the first week I’m going to introduce you to my new love, Halsey. Halsey is a 23 (almost 24!) year old singer who’s first LP, Badlands, was released in 2015. Her second LP, Hopeless Fountain Kingdom, was released in 2017.
My first exposure to her was finding her song Gasoline featured on a playlist. I was mesmerized, so I downloaded it and put it in one of my playlists in iTunes. Then, a couple of days later, I came across her song Control. After that I was quite interested, and downloaded her CDs, listened to them quite a bit and she became one of my favorites.
When I broke down and Googled her, I realized that, despite our ages, we had a lot of things in common. Mostly because she has Bipolar Disorder, which is a huge part of my disorder. Our similarities don’t end there, but I don’t want to ramble on.
The song I chose to feature this week is Angel on Fire from Hopeless Fountain Kingdom. The song speaks to me on a deep level, and although she’s talking about things happening in her own back yard, the feeling resonates with me. The song is her waking up after all of her friends had partied in her back yard all night, yet didn’t bother to wake her up. In the second verse she talks about when she was there partying with them and these lyrics stick out:
I’d laugh and drink and talk about things
And Fall in love in my back yard
Now it’s my own anxiety that makes the conversation hard
But nobody seems to ask about me anymore
And nobody even cares ’bout anything I think
Nobody seems to recognize me in the crowd
In the background screaming, everybody look at me!
Personally, this reminds me of my own journey with myself, my social anxiety, and my social group. It’s like, while admitting the anxiety is a huge part of what happens, a person concentrates so much on their fall from grace, as I would call it. They (and I, admittedly) always focus on how they’re treated by the people around them and compare it to how it used to be.
The song has definitely changed my viewpoint on the subject and how I’m more comfortable with both my own anxiety and the interactions of the people around me. And I’ve realized that I’m actually a big part of the evolution of my social life and that things don’t go back to the way they were. That I’m still affecting this because I still deal with that same anxiety. And I’m okay with that.
Have a listen: