Back in 2012, I was not attending a church of any kind and, therefore, was relying on myself to put the puzzle pieces in order, so they would actually lock together. They never did. And in 2012 I had a huge psychotic break that landed me in the hospital. My two best friends, Clarise and Mike (married then, now divorced) were up in New York with Clarise’s parents and had no cell reception. Eventually, though I got through, but was hit with some startling news… Clarise’s mother had passed.
So, here I was, in the hospital, finally becoming lucid, and my friend was suffering. I got out of the hospital the day before our friend’s wedding and, me being me, forgot all that had happened to Clarise and needed her. I wasn’t fully recovered and she was right there. Right when I needed her. She helped me out. She never once abandoned me. I didn’t realize what had happened until many years later, and I still don’t forgive myself for not being there for her tragic loss.
It wasn’t the first time having psychosis. I’ve had it practically my whole life. But this was BAD… extremely bad. I can only liken it to the break I had my senior year in high school, and even that paled in comparison. It kept getting worse. I had to leave my job.
But within all this, Clarise and Mike introduced me to Supernatural. I know some of you have a bad taste in your mouth when you hear about the show, but this entry is ABOUT it. So deal. I started watching and fell in love with the show. It was during the middle of season 7 being currently aired, and I quickly caught up. Mind you, I was still having delusions and hallucinating a bit. As I watched season 7, Sam, after all he’d been through (not spoiling it for others!), was having hallucinations and delusions. He even ended up in a psychiatric facility. So there I was, suffering inside, and this character on a tv show was feeling like me. I cried. I literally cried. I’ve continued to watch the show except in recent years (gotta play catch-up, right?).
So, even if the root cause wasn’t the same for Sam, the show showed me that it could tackle anything. Any kind of life stress. Things no one wants to talk about. Sure, the show is about two brother who hunt and kill evil things (and in recent years have had a nice story line with the King of Hell and the devil himself, but now I’m getting into details), but there’s humanity underneath all that. There’s happiness, emotional pain, physical pain, rage, love… everything. When I realized a person like Sam Winchester could be dealing with what I did in a way gave me hope. The next year I went to the convention on a Sunday and was just there for the Q&A. in 2015, I went again, this time for the whole weekend, but didn’t have a photo op with him. I honestly think if I did, I’d break down in tears.
That’s my story. I always had help in the form or friendship ad family, but a tv show wormed into my heart, and I will forever be indebted to you, Sam Winchester.