One of the hallmarks of my disorder are things called delusions. I’m sure almost all of you know what they are, but for those who don’t, it is believing something about yourself or the world that isn’t real (like, knowing you can fly). And, one of the most common delusions surrounds the fanatical religious beliefs one can have (and sometimes lead to thinking you are a prophet… or even God Himself).
Today one of my friends (not naming names) said that I was being delusional. They said that my religious beliefs weren’t real, and that I needed to change my medication or go to the hospital. Needless to say, I was completely offended. Here I am, finally able to categorize my actions into “this is because of my illness” and “I am responsible for this” and the suggestion of hospitalization was like a stab to my heart.
I admit, I’ve had reasons to go there before, and I did. And it made me a little bit better. Right now, though, my general psychosis is pretty unobtrusive, but I’m ultra rapid cycling at the moment, so my moods are all over the place. That, however, isn’t when I would have delusions. And it’s not like I all of a sudden started becoming a “religious fanatic” or anything like that.
This shows me how ignorant people can still be. That they can take a quick look at symptoms or pick and choose what they want about my disorder to judge my actions, is even worse than offensive. How dare someone tell me something like that who hasn’t even been participating in my life as of late. Why all of a sudden do they care?
This kind of thing hasn’t happened to me for years. I can’t even react right because I’m so shocked. Yes, a common delusion is becoming religiously fanatic…. but don’t judge what you don’t know.