today was a “good” day

Except for the fact that I slept until 1pm instead of waking up to my alarm at 8:30.  Apparently my phone’s volume was completely off.  So I missed church yet again, even though I really wanted to go.  I’m now in the process of trying to find out if I can get the internet to display on my X1 system tv.  It would be nice. 

Apparently, the combination of lighting my hair with a cigarette and then getting it stuck in a band so it needed to be cut out, completely makes the one side of my head (which is already naturally shorter) super weird looking.  it’s like I have a 2 inch section of my hair that is only half the length of the rest of my hair on that side.  I let the really damaged part of my hair soak up some argon oil, then about an hour later, i washed and conditioned my hair, then put a hair mask on for 15 minutes.  Things are softer, but I really got to work at drying my hair just right or I look so ridiculous it isn’t funny.

Mentally I’m doing ok today too, I suppose.  For some reason I have three opened packages of cigarettes in random spots throughout the house.  I believe I kept thinking that I was done the last one and opened another, etc.  It’s the forgetfulness that I’m concerned with though.  Yesterday I spent thinking that it was Monday, and wondering why my mom wasn’t at work.

I’m getting nervous about the car thing.  This week at some point my car is going to picked up by the towing company for the insurance company.  A couple of days later, I will receive a check for the estimated damages.  I will deposit it and wait until it clears for a few days, then my dad is going to pick me up so I can go to his place and we can look for cars and SUV’s within my price range.  There are a LOT of cars available for the money I’m getting.  I’m sure it will work itself out.  Then, of course, I get afraid that people are lying to me and I won’t get as much money, so I won’t be able to get a decent car.  I’d have to get a piece of trash.  The whole thing has been on my mind since I talked with my dad last Thursday.

My only comfort is that my dad would never steer me wrong.  He’s bought multiple cars this way, so he knows which ads to trust and which to not.  He’s sent me links to cars and SUVs he’s found way under what I’m getting monetarily with decent mileage and recently inspected.  If he didn’t take over for me, I would be driving my damaged car which wouldn’t pass inspection because of the rear passenger door not sealing when it’s closed, paying for a new door (or even 2), and becoming broke once again.  My dad knows that I can’t understand or do things like this on my own.  That’s why I made sure that my insurance and the other insurance were given my permission to talk with my father.

First we chose the “buy back” option.  At the end of that, I would have my car with a restorative title, and still damaged.  But I would get a check for $3000.  It sounded like the best plan (although my dad only said this bc he thought I was really attached to my car and he really thought doing what we’re doing now would be the best).  Unfortunately, the whole process was making me have multiple breakdowns where I would text him paragraphs of how I was worried, or how I didn’t understand something, or how I thought that I’d never be able to get my car to pass inspection without at least 1 door replacement.  Then, of course, was the administrative part that confused the hell out of me, and I had panic attacks for three nights in a row.

Then, my dad told me about this option and I jumped right on board after I did my own searches and saw all the cars available.  Sure, I’m still going to worry until the whole thing until it’s finished.  Just… tell me I’ll be ok.

About I.V.

37 year old woman with Schizoaffective, Bipolar 1 type. I'm also intelligent, mostly positive, fandom junkie. Oh, and I have two cats: Zim and Gir... they're 12. So... fandom junkie? Ah, yes. Supernatural, Merlin, Buffy tvs, Angel the series, LOTR, Harry Potter, old x-files. I also like anime and and Manga. farvorite anime? Vampire Knight... and it cannot be dubbed! I also like plenty of others, I think of Elfin Leid when I say that... oh, and Blood+. Favorite Manga? Junjou Romantica, Vampire Knight, Loveless, Gravitation. I like the anime for these as well if they have it. Books: Dune, HP, LOTR, The Hunger Games, Wicked, the Southern Vampire Series, Snow Crash, American Gods, Pride and Prejudice, comics. Movies: The Boondock Saints, LOTR, HP series, Girl Interupted, SLC Punk, Walk Hard: the Dewie Cox Story, House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, Foxfire, Empire Records, Star Wars (only episodes 4-6), Iron Man (both of them), Thor (1&2), The Avengers Video Games: Dragon Age 1,2 and Inquisition, Kingdoms of Amalur, Little Big Planet, Star Ocean. I also love watching other people play Mass Effect, Dead Space and all the above mentioned games Oh, and I love Sushi :)
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