I’ve helped create stigma too

I’m always talking about how we need to fight the stigma that goes along with mental illness. I’ve experienced this stigma first hand as well. And I do fight it. Then comes this…

I have what one may call a severe mental illness. I take 7 medications to function, and praise the Lord that my antipsychotics are keeping a strong hold on my psychosis. I also feel like that for my mood stabilizers.

So, if I find out about someone who may be more “crazy” than me (I know… I hate that term too), I want to tell everyone. I want other people to experience the shame I have felt for years.

I should have become their ally. I should help them along their journey. I should be a major part of their support. Why I wasn’t any of these?  Pure selfishness. Like I said before… I didn’t want to be the “crazy” person if at all possible.  When I find someone with an illness that is stigmatized more than mine, I run with it.

To whoever I’ve done this to, or other friends of people I have done this to… the only thing to say is: I’m sorry. And I know it’s not enough.

I’m trying to go for a graduate degree in psychology. I know it will be hard for me… I’m not going to kid myself. But I feel that it is necessary. And one day I might try rebuilding a bridge that I burned to the ground. Until then, I will be very conscious of my words and actions, and I will do everything to fight the stigma and not feed into it. 

About I.V.

37 year old woman with Schizoaffective, Bipolar 1 type. I'm also intelligent, mostly positive, fandom junkie. Oh, and I have two cats: Zim and Gir... they're 12. So... fandom junkie? Ah, yes. Supernatural, Merlin, Buffy tvs, Angel the series, LOTR, Harry Potter, old x-files. I also like anime and and Manga. farvorite anime? Vampire Knight... and it cannot be dubbed! I also like plenty of others, I think of Elfin Leid when I say that... oh, and Blood+. Favorite Manga? Junjou Romantica, Vampire Knight, Loveless, Gravitation. I like the anime for these as well if they have it. Books: Dune, HP, LOTR, The Hunger Games, Wicked, the Southern Vampire Series, Snow Crash, American Gods, Pride and Prejudice, comics. Movies: The Boondock Saints, LOTR, HP series, Girl Interupted, SLC Punk, Walk Hard: the Dewie Cox Story, House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, Foxfire, Empire Records, Star Wars (only episodes 4-6), Iron Man (both of them), Thor (1&2), The Avengers Video Games: Dragon Age 1,2 and Inquisition, Kingdoms of Amalur, Little Big Planet, Star Ocean. I also love watching other people play Mass Effect, Dead Space and all the above mentioned games Oh, and I love Sushi :)
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