I’m always talking about how we need to fight the stigma that goes along with mental illness. I’ve experienced this stigma first hand as well. And I do fight it. Then comes this…
I have what one may call a severe mental illness. I take 7 medications to function, and praise the Lord that my antipsychotics are keeping a strong hold on my psychosis. I also feel like that for my mood stabilizers.
So, if I find out about someone who may be more “crazy” than me (I know… I hate that term too), I want to tell everyone. I want other people to experience the shame I have felt for years.
I should have become their ally. I should help them along their journey. I should be a major part of their support. Why I wasn’t any of these? Pure selfishness. Like I said before… I didn’t want to be the “crazy” person if at all possible. When I find someone with an illness that is stigmatized more than mine, I run with it.
To whoever I’ve done this to, or other friends of people I have done this to… the only thing to say is: I’m sorry. And I know it’s not enough.
I’m trying to go for a graduate degree in psychology. I know it will be hard for me… I’m not going to kid myself. But I feel that it is necessary. And one day I might try rebuilding a bridge that I burned to the ground. Until then, I will be very conscious of my words and actions, and I will do everything to fight the stigma and not feed into it.