Today was one of those special days. Generally, I have about 5-7 a year, and on really good years, about twice that. Today was a quiet day. I am hearing nothing. This is not to say that I hear voices every other day, because that would be a gross overstatement. Most of the time I hear static, noise, or music. And most of the time all of this is at a level that I can ignore (mostly because I’m used to 21 years of this… others who suddenly experience this may not be able to ignore any of it). Other days it’s louder, and I get less done. The days with actual voices I either stay in bed or sit in the chair in the living room and don’t move unless I go have a cigarette.
I cherish these days. I stay up longer. I get more done. I don’t forget that I only have a certain amount of money. I don’t close in on myself and not talk. I don’t just stay online all day so I can hide behind a facade. It’s pure bliss.
I had a psychiatrist appointment today and usually while he’s writing my prescriptions I’m in a wave of random noise. It was dead silent. I was reveling in it.
I appreciate life so much more on these days. I can go out (other than to wawa or Walmart) and enjoy being outside the house, instead of hoping the noise level won’t rise. I mean, for some reason on these quiet days it lasts all day most of the time until I go to bed. I don’t know what the next day will bring, and I hate waking up in the middle of the night because I am almost always disoriented when tired, and it’s hard to fall back to sleep, but I always feel blessed because I’m finally on a combination of meds that let’s me live my life.