My (quiet?) Mind

Today was one of those special days.  Generally, I have about 5-7 a year, and on really good years, about twice that.  Today was a quiet day.  I am hearing nothing.  This is not to say that I hear voices every other day, because that would be a gross overstatement.  Most of the time I hear static, noise, or music.  And most of the time all of this is at a level that I can ignore (mostly because I’m used to 21 years of this… others who suddenly experience this may not be able to ignore any of it).  Other days it’s louder, and I get less done.  The days with actual voices I either stay in bed or sit in the chair in the living room and don’t move unless I go have a cigarette.

I cherish these days.  I stay up longer.  I get more done.  I don’t forget that I only have a certain amount of money.  I don’t close in on myself and not talk.  I don’t just stay online all day so I can hide behind a facade.  It’s pure bliss.

I had a psychiatrist appointment today and usually while he’s writing my prescriptions I’m in a wave of random noise.  It was dead silent.  I was reveling in it.

I appreciate life so much more on these days.  I can go out (other than to wawa or Walmart) and enjoy being outside the house, instead of hoping the noise level won’t rise.  I mean, for some reason on these quiet days it lasts all day most of the time until I go to bed.  I don’t know what the next day will bring, and I hate waking up in the middle of the night because I am almost always disoriented when tired, and it’s hard to fall back to sleep, but I always feel blessed because I’m finally on a combination of meds that let’s me live my life.

About I.V.

38 year old woman with Schizoaffective, Bipolar type. I'm also intelligent, mostly positive, fandom junkie. Oh, and I have two cats: Zim and Gir... they're 13. So... fandom junkie? Ah, yes. Supernatural, Merlin, Buffy tvs, Angel the series, LOTR, Harry Potter, old x-files. I also like anime and and Manga. farvorite anime? Vampire Knight... and it cannot be dubbed! I also like plenty of others, I think of Elfin Leid when I say that... oh, and Blood+. Favorite Manga? Junjou Romantica, Vampire Knight, Loveless, Gravitation. I like the anime for these as well if they have it. Books: Dune, Good Omens, HP, LOTR, The Hunger Games, Wicked, the Southern Vampire Series, Snow Crash, American Gods, Pride and Prejudice, comics. Movies: The Boondock Saints, LOTR, HP series, Girl Interupted, SLC Punk, Walk Hard: the Dewie Cox Story, House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, Foxfire, Empire Records, Star Wars (only episodes 4-6), Iron Man (both of them), Thor (1&2), The Avengers Video Games: Dragon Age 1,2 and Inquisition, Kingdoms of Amalur, Little Big Planet, Star Ocean. I also love watching other people play Mass Effect, Dead Space and all the above mentioned games Oh, and I love Sushi :)
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2 Responses to My (quiet?) Mind

  1. I’m really curious about the music. If it’s similar to earworms thst many get, though I suspect not.


  2. Harley Quinn says:

    Oddly, it sounds like it’s coming from a victrola being played in another room. I’ve had this particular one for years…since I was in college. So when I hear it, I’m good unless when I wake up from a deep sleep in the middle of the night… then it’s louder and more “warped.” And those times it keeps me awake for a bit.


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