There comes a time when you’re mentally ill when you feel like you’re a burden, either on your family or your friends or both. Especially when you’re on disability like me. It’s mainly because you have something wrong with you that inhibits your social activity or your daily functioning. For me, it’s financial burden.
Just today we had to call a plumber to fix our clogged sink. Not a big deal, right? Well, the outcome wasn’t a good one and we have to have a $600 “fix” done. And it’s not completely guaranteed either, and we have to pay at least $500 even if it doesn’t work. Now, my mom is paying for all of this. I, unfortunately, can’t help her pay for it because I only get a certain amount per month. To top this off, I OWE her $600.
Not only that, I live here without paying her anything towards the mortgage… all I pay is the cable bill. So you can imagine how much of a burden I feel. I live in her house, eat her food, and just take take take. And I feel like I’m not only a financial burden, but an emotional drain. I’m constantly depressed and needy. And I feel I constantly pull her into my lonely existence and it shows in the way she acts.
But I’ve learned that this happens with almost everyone with a mental illness. That sense of burden. That sense that another person’s life would be better off without you there to weigh them down. And I’ve learned that this is PART of mental illness. It’s part of depression. Part of anxiety. Part of what I suffer from.
It’s something that should be talked about with a therapist. Even now as I sit here feeling like a burden myself, I at least know I’m probably not. I feel bad when my mom feels bad and it changes how I feel about myself. As a mental health patient I have to learn to concentrate on myself and not to worry about others. It’s a long road to travel, but it’s something we all must do.