How My Meds and Disorder Make Me Feel Asexual

It’s a recent change… for about 2-3 years now, but I’ve found that I feel asexual, that is not feeling any sexual attraction to either gender.  I attribute this to my meds and my disorder, which is probably correct.  And it’s just a part of me now that I accept.  I’m not anti-romantic totally, but I still don’t have the full romantic attraction that I used to either.  This tends to be really hard when trying to find someone who I would like to share life experiences with, as most of them are sexual beings.

I’m not complaining about this at all.  It brings somehow an inner peace for me for some reason, and I’ve completely accepted my new feelings.  I find I can concentrate on other things in life without having to deal with the aching and longing desire to have sex.  I meet new people and I can appreciate their good looks, but I don’t find myself thinking that they’re attractive and that I can see relationships forming.  Right now I feel like I could talk about life and go to dinner and do exciting things without “doing” anything.

What seems very strange, though, is that only 4 years ago I was a slave to sexuality.  It made my decisions for me and I craved it.  When I didn’t have anyone in my life I sought out one night stands, friends with benefits relations, and general debauchery.  I was on meds then, but not the same ones.  By the time I moved in here with my mother, that was almost completely gone, and over time I just got to the point where I don’t see people as sexual beings.

It just amazes me the change and how I actually feel more content being this way than being the “old me.”  I also often wonder if others are experiencing this and how they feel about it.  Regardless, it’s now an important part of my life and one I have embraced fully, and it finally feels freeing to share it with others.

About I.V.

37 year old woman with Schizoaffective, Bipolar 1 type. I'm also intelligent, mostly positive, fandom junkie. Oh, and I have two cats: Zim and Gir... they're 12. So... fandom junkie? Ah, yes. Supernatural, Merlin, Buffy tvs, Angel the series, LOTR, Harry Potter, old x-files. I also like anime and and Manga. farvorite anime? Vampire Knight... and it cannot be dubbed! I also like plenty of others, I think of Elfin Leid when I say that... oh, and Blood+. Favorite Manga? Junjou Romantica, Vampire Knight, Loveless, Gravitation. I like the anime for these as well if they have it. Books: Dune, HP, LOTR, The Hunger Games, Wicked, the Southern Vampire Series, Snow Crash, American Gods, Pride and Prejudice, comics. Movies: The Boondock Saints, LOTR, HP series, Girl Interupted, SLC Punk, Walk Hard: the Dewie Cox Story, House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, Foxfire, Empire Records, Star Wars (only episodes 4-6), Iron Man (both of them), Thor (1&2), The Avengers Video Games: Dragon Age 1,2 and Inquisition, Kingdoms of Amalur, Little Big Planet, Star Ocean. I also love watching other people play Mass Effect, Dead Space and all the above mentioned games Oh, and I love Sushi :)
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