It’s a recent change… for about 2-3 years now, but I’ve found that I feel asexual, that is not feeling any sexual attraction to either gender. I attribute this to my meds and my disorder, which is probably correct. And it’s just a part of me now that I accept. I’m not anti-romantic totally, but I still don’t have the full romantic attraction that I used to either. This tends to be really hard when trying to find someone who I would like to share life experiences with, as most of them are sexual beings.
I’m not complaining about this at all. It brings somehow an inner peace for me for some reason, and I’ve completely accepted my new feelings. I find I can concentrate on other things in life without having to deal with the aching and longing desire to have sex. I meet new people and I can appreciate their good looks, but I don’t find myself thinking that they’re attractive and that I can see relationships forming. Right now I feel like I could talk about life and go to dinner and do exciting things without “doing” anything.
What seems very strange, though, is that only 4 years ago I was a slave to sexuality. It made my decisions for me and I craved it. When I didn’t have anyone in my life I sought out one night stands, friends with benefits relations, and general debauchery. I was on meds then, but not the same ones. By the time I moved in here with my mother, that was almost completely gone, and over time I just got to the point where I don’t see people as sexual beings.
It just amazes me the change and how I actually feel more content being this way than being the “old me.” I also often wonder if others are experiencing this and how they feel about it. Regardless, it’s now an important part of my life and one I have embraced fully, and it finally feels freeing to share it with others.